Things they never tell you about becoming a father – By Lao Fo

Things they never tell you about becoming a father – By Lao Fo

I have recently become a father, and I can honestly say it has changed my life forever. It is the highs of human emotion and it is also a daunting experience. There is so much information to take in as a new father and so many people tell you that it can be a lot to remember and take in. There are also a lot people don’t tell you as well which I hope to shed some light on, which I feel is important.

1.    It is awesome being a dad. From the first time you have your baby in your arms and every time after that, you have an amazing feeling of euphoria. It is the emotion many cannot put into words. Whatever the emotion is you find yourself with an amazing warmth inside, a sense of purpose to your life and posting every single picture of you and your baby with #prouddad. The last point might be just myself. However, you start to understand what your life has been missing until this point. If you have not had children yet and you think I am exaggerating, I will say wait until you have your own children, trust me it is amazing.

2.    When the crying happens – Keep calm. The crying can be painful at times. At any moment in time, the adorable tiny creature only weighing a few pounds that can fit into backpack will suddenly launch into screaming that can only be comparable to an aircraft taking off.  If you start to panic it only makes it worse.  It is hard to understand at first, that babies cry and it is their only form of communication. They have no other means to tell you “I’m hungry,” or “my nappy is dirty”. All they will do is cry until you have figured it out. Sometimes that takes a little bit of time.  My tip includes holding your baby, walking with your baby, try finding out what is wrong such as check the nappy, checking for burps and checking if it is hungry. If you get stressed then you will only agitate the baby and yourself.

3.     When the mother is stressed – Keep calm. The mother’s hormones after birth are still unpredictable, and so mothers will experience sudden changes in emotion, especially before feeding. Plus you and your partner are tired, exhausted in fact. This is where you have to remain calm, don’t react greatly to anything said in haste or you may find yourself on the sofa for a relatively small misunderstanding. You have to keep calm because your job as a father and as a partner is to be supportive and understanding. Also, remember post-natal depression is a real problem, keep a look out for the signs such as your partner unwilling to interact or hold the baby. Most of all keep calm and try not be dragged into any arguments, My friends who just had a baby, had a pact that anything said between the hours of 10 pm and 8 am were all null and void because of these reasons.

4.     Sleep is the best medicine. As I mentioned before, in my last point. You will become sleep-deprived, and thus become very tired. For that reason, slow your lifestyle down; do not plan too much in one day. Try to take naps when the baby is sleeping so you can be as fully rested as possible to be ready to help out.

5.     Everyone who has had children has advice.  Do listen to people and do take what is said on board, but ultimately you have to do what you think is right. For example; Friends of mine have decided not to take vaccinations immediately for their baby. This is absolutely fine and I will support their choices, however it is not the right choice for us. People with children have lots of experience and can be extremely helpful, but you have to help and support your family of what you think is right.

6.     Get involved as much as possible. Do as much as you can for mother and baby. During the early hour feedings off mother if you can get anything such as water, snacks, fetching and charging her mobile phone. Mothers are unable to move for a considerable time during feeding, so do what you can to help. For this reason, I do most of the nappy changing because the mother has to do all of the feedings. I feel this is approaching a fair trade of roles and responsibility. Being available for bath time is also imperative. Children who have both parents bath them are three times less likely to have behavioural problems at school. Moreover, the hormones that are released during the feeding between baby and mother are also released during the baby’s bath time. This means the bonding experience the mother has through feeding the baby the father can also have during bath time.

7.     Take one step at a time. There is so much information to take on board especially in the beginning, and some tasks and responsibilities don’t come easily, especially to fathers. Keep practising and you will get the hang of nappy changing, and settling the baby (and mother). You just have to take it one step at a time, and don’t panic.