Things they never tell you about becoming a father – By Lao Fo

Things they never tell you about becoming a father – By Lao Fo

I have recently become a father, and I can honestly say it has changed my life forever. It is the highs of human emotion and it is also a daunting experience. There is so much information to take in as a new father and so many people tell you that it can be a lot to remember and take in. There are also a lot people don’t tell you as well which I hope to shed some light on, which I feel is important.

1.    It is awesome being a dad. From the first time you have your baby in your arms and every time after that, you have an amazing feeling of euphoria. It is the emotion many cannot put into words. Whatever the emotion is you find yourself with an amazing warmth inside, a sense of purpose to your life and posting every single picture of you and your baby with #prouddad. The last point might be just myself. However, you start to understand what your life has been missing until this point. If you have not had children yet and you think I am exaggerating, I will say wait until you have your own children, trust me it is amazing.

2.    When the crying happens – Keep calm. The crying can be painful at times. At any moment in time, the adorable tiny creature only weighing a few pounds that can fit into backpack will suddenly launch into screaming that can only be comparable to an aircraft taking off.  If you start to panic it only makes it worse.  It is hard to understand at first, that babies cry and it is their only form of communication. They have no other means to tell you “I’m hungry,” or “my nappy is dirty”. All they will do is cry until you have figured it out. Sometimes that takes a little bit of time.  My tip includes holding your baby, walking with your baby, try finding out what is wrong such as check the nappy, checking for burps and checking if it is hungry. If you get stressed then you will only agitate the baby and yourself.

3.     When the mother is stressed – Keep calm. The mother’s hormones after birth are still unpredictable, and so mothers will experience sudden changes in emotion, especially before feeding. Plus you and your partner are tired, exhausted in fact. This is where you have to remain calm, don’t react greatly to anything said in haste or you may find yourself on the sofa for a relatively small misunderstanding. You have to keep calm because your job as a father and as a partner is to be supportive and understanding. Also, remember post-natal depression is a real problem, keep a look out for the signs such as your partner unwilling to interact or hold the baby. Most of all keep calm and try not be dragged into any arguments, My friends who just had a baby, had a pact that anything said between the hours of 10 pm and 8 am were all null and void because of these reasons.

4.     Sleep is the best medicine. As I mentioned before, in my last point. You will become sleep-deprived, and thus become very tired. For that reason, slow your lifestyle down; do not plan too much in one day. Try to take naps when the baby is sleeping so you can be as fully rested as possible to be ready to help out.

5.     Everyone who has had children has advice.  Do listen to people and do take what is said on board, but ultimately you have to do what you think is right. For example; Friends of mine have decided not to take vaccinations immediately for their baby. This is absolutely fine and I will support their choices, however it is not the right choice for us. People with children have lots of experience and can be extremely helpful, but you have to help and support your family of what you think is right.

6.     Get involved as much as possible. Do as much as you can for mother and baby. During the early hour feedings off mother if you can get anything such as water, snacks, fetching and charging her mobile phone. Mothers are unable to move for a considerable time during feeding, so do what you can to help. For this reason, I do most of the nappy changing because the mother has to do all of the feedings. I feel this is approaching a fair trade of roles and responsibility. Being available for bath time is also imperative. Children who have both parents bath them are three times less likely to have behavioural problems at school. Moreover, the hormones that are released during the feeding between baby and mother are also released during the baby’s bath time. This means the bonding experience the mother has through feeding the baby the father can also have during bath time.

7.     Take one step at a time. There is so much information to take on board especially in the beginning, and some tasks and responsibilities don’t come easily, especially to fathers. Keep practising and you will get the hang of nappy changing, and settling the baby (and mother). You just have to take it one step at a time, and don’t panic.

What the world is awe of when it looks at Britain (and what is in danger of losing), by Lao Fo

What the world is awe of when it looks at Britain (and what is in danger of losing), by Lao Fo

Britain is admired all over the world for setting the standards in a multitude of areas that I will discuss. But how much are those are in danger under a Tory government.

Education,

Britain set the standards in education for over a century. The education systems in Hong Kong and Singapore are built on the ideals and foundations of the British system. Hong Kong and Singapore are the world leaders for education standards in both Science and Mathematics.

However for the UK, the reputation is greatly becoming historical. Standards in education have dropped considerably, and funding has been either cut or mismanaged. This will continue to be squeezed by a Conservative government. Michael Gove, as education minister encouraged introducing an antiquated old-fashioned methodology to teaching practices, rather than forward thinking modern and effective ways of teaching. The current education minister Nicky Morgan looks to continue in the same way. Education standards, unfortunately, suffer because of non-education experts running an education system.  Special education projects that also support schools have also been cut. Social services are also struggling to meet the demands of referrals by schools, thus, cases are prioritised and so non-serious cases are often not dealt with.

This is without me mentioning the historical rises in tuition fees which mean working class and middle-class families find it a burden to send their children to University.  If they do, the average debt is £44,000 (Independent 2014), which means most people will be paying this off in their 40’s or 50’s.

The NHS,

When I speak to foreigners about the NHS, there is a sense of envy and I feel a huge heartfelt sense of pride. It was created by Clement Atlee and his Labour party after the second world war to provide free healthcare to the whole of the UK. The UK has built the second largest workforce in the world to supply the demands of healthcare for an entire country, for no extra cost. Moreover, it works; the standards of healthcare are on a par with Europe and the USA.  However, relating back to education, the UK is unable to produce enough skilled workers such as Doctors and Nurses for the NHS. 26% of Doctors in the NHS are non-British (Guardian 2014). This means the education system in the UK is not adequate enough to produce enough doctors. It also means that with Britain possibly opting out of the EU and introducing tougher immigration laws, doctors and nurses will be harder to find. It will be substantially more difficult to find qualified staff for the NHS.  Also, the Tories have plans to dismantle the NHS. In short, who knows what we will be left with if anything at all of our beloved NHS.

British Post Offices,

The Post Office is the rural hub of village life. The entire operation was put up for sale and sold off for a ridiculous under value. With cost cutting, a post office in your local ASDA will be more likely to find than in a picturesque village main street.

The Railway,

Britain invented the railways, and when you think of Britain you can think of steam trains cutting through the green fields of Britain. Now, British rail is the most expensive, the slowest and the most unreliable service in the world. It costs in public fund £11billion in subsidies, twice as much as when it was nationalised. 

British Diplomacy,

Britain has a great reputation of Diplomacy overseas, there are hangovers from colonial rule, but overall Britain has great skills in overseas involvements, with the exceptions of Iraq and Afghanistan. The Royal family also plays it’s part and acts as ambassadors for overseas communication in many circumstances. Britain in the world has a strong reputation as negotiators and peacekeepers, with also supplying aid and resources to countries such as Nepal following the recent Earthquake.  In return, The British passport allows you to 177 countries overseas without a Visa. This is more than any other country in the world. This is evidence of great British diplomacy. However, this is in danger with the referendum in Europe, which will surely test the skills and strengths of our foreign relationships.

In conclusion, as Brits, we should build on the strengths that the country has built and look to improve them. Britain should not be looking at providing cheaper, and more cost efficient versions of what it has. It has been a disaster for the British railways and the Postal service. Britain has been world leaders in all of these areas, Education, the NHS, the Postal service, the Railways and will possibly be again, if the proper investment and management is implemented. Cuts and austerity are not the answer for a country to prosper.

Sources

The Independent. 2014. Tuition fees: Three quarters of students won’t be able to pay off their debt. [ONLINE] Available at: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/education/higher/tuition-fees-three-quarters-of-students-wont-be-able-to-pay-off-their-debt-9866446.html. [Accessed 11 May 15].

The Independent. 2015. Our rail system is broken, and nationalisation has already been proven to work — so what are we waiting for?. [ONLINE] Available at:http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/comment/our-rail-system-is-broken-and-nationalisation-has-already-been-proven-to-work--so-what-are-we-waiting-for-9960432.html. [Accessed 11 May 15].

The Guardian. 2014. Figures show extent of NHS reliance on foreign nationals. [ONLINE] Available at:http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/comment/our-rail-system-is-broken-and-nationalisation-has-already-been-proven-to-work--so-what-are-we-waiting-for-9960432.html. [Accessed 11 May 15].

Social Media – The Connected or disconnected society? By Lao Fo

Social Media – The Connected or disconnected society? By Lao Fo

A familiar scene in modern culture is a group of teenagers or adults sat around in their social group in a public place such as a café or a pub and not one of them are talking to one another. Each person is lost in their virtual world, linking their ideas, their emotions, their thoughts and dreams on a social media of one form or another that is accessible for the world to see. There is a lust to expand our friend networks and our connectivity to the world, but have we lost the art of communication through our expansion to be more connected?

Social Media has quickly established itself as the necessity of modern society. There are over 1.2 billion Facebook users and 24 million people from the UK sign into Facebook every day. The size and popularity of Facebook is unprecedented and unlike anything we have seen before. People have flocked to sign up and people update status, post photos interact on Facebook on a Daily (or more) basis. Smartphones have allowed us to be constantly in touch with the latest Facebook’s going on. We are on the pulse of society at a fingertip.

However, it is not all a perfect ideological connectivity revolution, there have been numerous complaints about Facebook and it’s various user policies that invade people’s privacy. Also, Edward Snowden’s whistle blower on sites like Facebook and Google, that they have been allowing Government agencies such as NSA to access users personal information and track their data. Facebook has been found out not to protect people’s privacy, but this has done little to stop Facebook’s expanse and it’s popularity.

Despite the dangers of Social Media, why are we as a society addicted to it? One answer, has found through studies into users of Facebook and other social media, that there is release of dopamine amongst it’s users, which is a feel good hormone that is also released during sex. Other studies have shown addiction to Facebook is more severe than Alcohol and Tobacco addiction. This study also found people craving Facebook after withdrawal periods and those craving being more intensive with the longer withdrawal. With sex and sleep the top two human urges, Facebook has quickly become the third its users.  

One of the things that Social Media allows is to put our thoughts and our emotions to be put out there to an audience. It is an outlet to express yourself creatively. It is also a support network of friends, a way for people to keep in touch that are unable to see one another. It creates a respect of one another forms of expressions. The ability to connect to people is endless, helping people to build up networks and maintain relationships. Thus, when social media is used in such a way how can it be detrimental?

As a form of expression it allows people to be listened to, perhaps those who struggle to find a voice in normal social situations and can find a voice through social media. So how many people are actually listening? There is a theory by Robin Dunbar, that not that many people are. Coining the term “Dunbar’s number” he theorised that we can only maintain roughly about 150 relationships depending on the brain’s social capacity. Of those relationships only about a dozen, keep track of your status updates and so forth and only a few relationships can be classed as “dependable” relationships. The relationships that you can rely on people for emotional or financial support. So in terms of expanding our social network, it can be argued that we are no richer in the relationships that we establish. The truth is that social media as a way of reaching out to connect to people is no more successful than other methods of communication. The Facebook limit is for 5000 friends. Most users only use a fraction of that amount.

Facebook is also a perfect timewaster, students who used iPads to study, 99% were said to be distracted by social media. It is no surprise when Facebook or Twitter notifications are popping up with the latest news of who has replied or liked your latest update.

Time will only tell for society of whether social media is a good thing or a bad thing. It could help ourselves be more connected and develop as a society, or whether people will become more disconnected and isolated from one another. Maybe the right platform in terms of social media has not come along yet. In the mid 2000’s, people sang the praises of Myspace as the social media platform to use and it dominated the market share. It helped launch the careers of the Arctic Monkeys, and but now only has a fraction of tit’s users that it use to have. Maybe Facebook and Twitter will make way for a more meaningful form of connecting people. There are forms of interaction over the internet that are already developing, which Robin Dunbar himself discussed, that are more effective at establishing and maintaining relationships like Skype and Facetime. These allow personal responses and allow people to feed off visual cues, cues that can be lost on mediums like Facebook and Twitter.

The revolution of social media is still relatively new, there are many questions and answers to be asked and sought as we come to grips with it’s implications. Such as will we lose the art of conversation with our peers, to only communicate most of the time through status updates? Or will we develop further our skills in the use of social media to develop ourselves as a race and society? Or will we blur the boundary or the real world and the virtual world until we can no longer tell which is which? Or is that already our reality now?

References;

http://www.theguardian.com/news/datablog/2014/feb/04/facebook-in-numbers-statistics

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/health/news/9054243/Facebook-and-Twitter-more-addictive-than-tobacco-and-alcohol.html

http://tedxtalks.ted.com/video/TEDxObserver-Robin-Dunbar-Can-t